1 00:00:07,821 --> 00:00:10,101 [Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate 2 00:00:10,181 --> 00:00:12,141 is the Garden of Eden. 3 00:00:12,541 --> 00:00:15,260 At least I don't think they are. But it's been a good home to us, 4 00:00:15,461 --> 00:00:17,541 to me, Frank Gallagher, 5 00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:20,300 and me kids, who I'm proud of, 6 00:00:20,381 --> 00:00:25,261 'cause every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me. 7 00:00:25,581 --> 00:00:26,501 [all gasp] 8 00:00:28,381 --> 00:00:30,500 Y'know, they can all think for themselves, 9 00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:32,540 -which they've me to thank for. -[kids yelling] 10 00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:36,021 [Frank] Fiona, who's a big help, massive help. 11 00:00:36,381 --> 00:00:37,860 Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, 12 00:00:37,941 --> 00:00:40,461 which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore. 13 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:43,781 Ian, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others, 14 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:47,181 'cause she's disappeared into thin air, and good luck to her. 15 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,301 -[barking] -And Carl... 16 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,021 We daren't let him grow his hair. 17 00:00:50,101 --> 00:00:52,301 One, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah. 18 00:00:52,381 --> 00:00:54,421 Two, nits love him. 19 00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:58,421 [chuckling] Debbie. Sent by God. Total angel. 20 00:00:58,501 --> 00:00:59,781 You've to check your change, 21 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,141 but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour. 22 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:05,461 Plus Liam! Little rock'n'roller! 23 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,821 -Gonna be a star. -[screams] 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,221 Well, once we've got the fits under control. 25 00:01:10,301 --> 00:01:12,621 You know, it's these things are vital 26 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:16,621 to an half-decent community. And space. 27 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,461 You need wide open spaces 28 00:01:19,541 --> 00:01:21,181 -where everyone goes mental... -[all cheering] 29 00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:24,541 ...and neighbourliness, you know, fantastic neighbours. 30 00:01:24,621 --> 00:01:26,860 Kev and Veronica. Lend you anything. 31 00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:29,101 Well, not anything. 32 00:01:30,021 --> 00:01:34,101 But all of them, to a man, know first and foremost, 33 00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:38,060 one of the most vital necessities in this life is, 34 00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:41,621 -they know how to throw a party! -[siren blaring] 35 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:44,140 -[Frank] Whoa! Scatter! -[everyone cheering] 36 00:01:45,541 --> 00:01:47,700 -[officer blowing whistle] -[commotion] 37 00:01:57,741 --> 00:02:00,021 -[police sirens] -[fireworks exploding] 38 00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:22,021 [Lip] Hiya. I said I'd help your Karen with her homework. 39 00:02:22,741 --> 00:02:23,741 Okay. 40 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:26,181 Take your shoes off. 41 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:27,980 Fair enough. 42 00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:29,820 [Sheila] I'll get you a carrier bag. 43 00:02:37,661 --> 00:02:39,901 She's got this thing about people bringing soil into the house. 44 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,781 -[TV playing] -Right. 45 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,861 [Karen] She's not as mad as she seems. 46 00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:45,301 Agoraphobia. 47 00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,421 Oh, right. 48 00:02:48,341 --> 00:02:50,700 -[Karen] So how come you know all this? -[Lip] It's just something I do. 49 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:54,100 -What, like a hobby? -No. The plans. 50 00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:56,260 -What, physics? -[Lip] All sorts. Look. 51 00:02:56,781 --> 00:02:59,461 I've got a great one for Newton's First. Watch. 52 00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:04,661 Everybody continues in a state of rest... 53 00:03:05,581 --> 00:03:07,301 or uniform motion... 54 00:03:08,781 --> 00:03:10,100 unless acted upon 55 00:03:10,581 --> 00:03:12,341 -by an external... -[zip opens] 56 00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:13,461 ...force. 57 00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,781 -Karen! -Hello. 58 00:03:17,181 --> 00:03:19,341 Look, don't do-- Look, Karen! 59 00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:21,461 To be honest, I could do with the money. 60 00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:22,621 What money? 61 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,781 I charge for homework. I thought you knew. 62 00:03:24,861 --> 00:03:25,901 I'm skint. 63 00:03:29,461 --> 00:03:30,420 Okay. 64 00:03:33,901 --> 00:03:35,061 [whispers] Fuck! 65 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,100 Lip, have you got any deodorant? 66 00:03:45,301 --> 00:03:47,941 -[stammers] I-I'm using Ian's. -Oh. 67 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,621 If I stick this lot in the washer before I go out, 68 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:51,941 will you keep an eye on it? 69 00:03:53,221 --> 00:03:55,820 -Do it tomorrow. -God, it stinks in here. 70 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:58,941 -It's the T-shirt I'm in. -That's why it stinks. 71 00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:00,901 You're like bloody chimps, you three. 72 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:04,140 [Veronica] Fiona! We need to go if we're gonna get a lift to the club. 73 00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:06,700 [Fiona] Give us five minutes, Veronica. 74 00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:13,781 -[sighs] -[door shuts] 75 00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,461 [groans] 76 00:04:23,861 --> 00:04:24,901 [chuckles] 77 00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:34,421 [gasps] 78 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:38,341 -[door opens, shuts] -[footsteps approaching] 79 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:39,861 [Ian] Hiya. 80 00:04:48,101 --> 00:04:51,901 [club music playing] 81 00:05:06,901 --> 00:05:08,021 [Fiona] Oi! 82 00:05:08,821 --> 00:05:10,141 Excuse me! 83 00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:11,541 [Fiona] He's got me bag! 84 00:05:12,221 --> 00:05:14,261 [Steve] Excuse me. Everybody move! Oi! 85 00:05:14,341 --> 00:05:15,901 [Fiona] Oi! He's got me bag! 86 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,781 [Steve] Move, move, move! 87 00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:27,781 -[tyres screech] -Bastard! 88 00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:32,301 [tyres screech] 89 00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:33,940 -I'm sorry. -[Veronica laughing] 90 00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:37,180 I know you missed but that was top fucking notch. 91 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:40,261 Steve. Look, I was gonna offer to buy you a drink, anyway. 92 00:05:41,901 --> 00:05:43,021 Were you now? 93 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:45,180 -[Steve] Yeah, I was, actually. -[Fiona pants] 94 00:05:45,421 --> 00:05:48,380 -What do you reckon, Veronica? -I don't know. Do I get one? 95 00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,661 -Yeah, I think you will. -[laughs] 96 00:05:51,380 --> 00:05:53,341 What is it, snake bites all round, yeah? 97 00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:55,461 -Maybe. [laughs] -[Veronica laughing] 98 00:05:55,701 --> 00:05:56,901 -No, no, no. -Oi! 99 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,261 You're not getting back in like that. 100 00:05:58,701 --> 00:05:59,740 [Veronica] Are you serious? 101 00:05:59,821 --> 00:06:01,740 -Look at the state of him. -State of you. 102 00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,620 If you were doing your job, he wouldn't have had to. 103 00:06:03,701 --> 00:06:06,541 -[scoffs] You fat twat. -[bouncer] You're all barred. 104 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:08,701 -What for? -Uh, drugs. 105 00:06:10,461 --> 00:06:12,021 He let him get away, 'cause he knows him. 106 00:06:12,101 --> 00:06:13,500 Hey, watch your mouth, spunk face. 107 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,021 Hey, look, don't talk to her like that. 108 00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:16,661 -Or you'll be trying what? -Oi! 109 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:18,581 Forget it, forget it. Let's get a taxi. 110 00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,940 Thanks. Thanks, anyway. 111 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,581 [both gasp, scream, laugh] 112 00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:30,820 [both scream] 113 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,981 o-Come on! -[Veronica] You fat wanker! 114 00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:37,781 [Veronica and Fiona laughing] 115 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:42,301 [Veronica] Woo-hoo! 116 00:06:44,301 --> 00:06:45,661 [Lip] I got a blowjob today. 117 00:06:47,261 --> 00:06:49,740 What have you been told about encouraging pets? 118 00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:54,421 -Karen Jackson. -Yeah, right, Lip. 119 00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:58,180 She's desperate to get physics. I didn't ask. 120 00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:00,581 I didn't even know until she yanked it out. 121 00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:08,940 You'd have told me straightaway if you would have been noshed. 122 00:07:09,021 --> 00:07:10,421 [indistinct chatter in other room] 123 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,740 -You ever had yours sucked? -[music playing] 124 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:15,661 Well... once or twice. 125 00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:18,141 Didn't hear you telling me. 126 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:22,380 How come, Ian? A breakthrough like that, if we tell each other everything... 127 00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:28,740 Unless you got it sucked by a bloke. 128 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,701 [rustling] 129 00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:50,021 [sobs softly] 130 00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:51,701 -[Veronica laughing] -What was it he called you? 131 00:07:51,781 --> 00:07:53,620 A spunky monkey, brown face or something. 132 00:07:53,701 --> 00:07:55,861 [Veronica] It wasn't me he called a spunk face. It was her. 133 00:07:55,940 --> 00:07:57,940 [Veronica] I'm more of a juice face. [laughing] 134 00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,740 -Not in front of the kids, mate. -[laughs] 135 00:07:59,820 --> 00:08:02,060 Oh, they've heard worse. I get it off of them. 136 00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:04,180 [Steve] Here's the spunky monkey. 137 00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:05,380 [Veronica] Hey. [laughing] 138 00:08:05,461 --> 00:08:08,861 [laughing] I nearly wet meself when you whacked that guy. 139 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:10,700 [chuckles] Well, I did a bit. [laughs] 140 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,221 He'll kill you if ever he sees you, Steve. 141 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:15,180 Yeah? 142 00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:18,260 Listen, how many people live here? 143 00:08:18,341 --> 00:08:19,981 Well, I'm next door but one. 144 00:08:20,301 --> 00:08:23,301 But next door's dead so I'm, um, next door. 145 00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:24,740 Yeah? Are you a nurse, Veronica? 146 00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:27,500 -Uh, part time. -[Fiona] You lying cow. 147 00:08:27,581 --> 00:08:28,461 She's a cleaner. 148 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,380 [Veronica] They asked me to train twice, at least. 149 00:08:31,461 --> 00:08:34,741 [Fiona] Just before they sacked you for thieving once and for all. 150 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,621 Hey, hey, if you're patching me up with stolen goods, I'm straight on the blower. 151 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,541 [Veronica] Will you shut up! You don't even know him! 152 00:08:39,621 --> 00:08:43,060 -[kids laughing] -You sit still. [laughs] 153 00:08:43,141 --> 00:08:45,141 Well, I would, if you stopped nudging me with your knockers. 154 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,100 [gasps] 155 00:08:46,181 --> 00:08:48,541 -[groans] Ow! -[Veronica] Sit still! 156 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,061 -I'm Steve, by the way. -Debbie. 157 00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:55,980 -Lip. -Carl. 158 00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:58,941 -[Fiona] And that's Ian. -[Steve] Hi, Ian. 159 00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:00,421 Hey, Debbie, why do they call him Lip? 160 00:09:00,501 --> 00:09:01,821 [Lip] Hmm. A, you stink, 161 00:09:01,901 --> 00:09:03,501 B, you're not as funny as you think you are, 162 00:09:03,581 --> 00:09:05,460 and C, you whacked a bouncer, you're gonna be dead soon, 163 00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:08,100 -so it's pointless getting to know you. -[Carl] Stuff like that. 164 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,821 Stuff like that, yeah. Boy meets death wish. 165 00:09:09,901 --> 00:09:11,980 Wahey! I thought you were fetching 166 00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:13,340 -an Indian home. -I couldn't be arsed 167 00:09:13,421 --> 00:09:15,941 -so I found a taxpayer. -[kids laughing] 168 00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:19,061 -What's going on? -We got turfed out the club. 169 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,381 Steve stuck up for us. Decked a bouncer. 170 00:09:23,181 --> 00:09:25,821 -Which bouncer? -Jimmy Clifton. 171 00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,980 -Fuck me. -[Fiona] Come on, you lot. Off to bed. 172 00:09:29,061 --> 00:09:30,340 [kids laughing] 173 00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:32,100 -[Veronica] Bed. -[Fiona] Aw. 174 00:09:32,181 --> 00:09:33,460 [Kev] Good night, kids. See you later. 175 00:09:33,541 --> 00:09:35,621 -[Veronica chuckling] Bye! -See you, love. 176 00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:42,941 -[Kev] Oh. -[Veronica laughing] 177 00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,261 -That's his? -[Veronica] Yeah. 178 00:09:45,621 --> 00:09:48,460 -Well, work's. -What kind of work? 179 00:09:49,261 --> 00:09:50,261 Car sales. 180 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,581 -Where? -I don't know. 181 00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:56,021 Didn't ask. I'm not as nosy as you. 182 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,581 Oh, right. But you didn't mind watching him take his shirt off, did you? 183 00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:00,061 [chuckles] No. 184 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,860 And if you hadn't walked in, I'd have tripped him up 185 00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:03,661 -and dived straight under. Whoa! -Hmm. [chuckles] 186 00:10:03,741 --> 00:10:05,781 [laughs] 187 00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:26,941 Look, straight answer... 188 00:10:27,821 --> 00:10:30,460 if I hadn't have battered my skull for you, would you have looked twice? 189 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:34,141 Who's saying I looked twice? 190 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,261 [clinking] 191 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,421 [Steve sighs] You did then. 192 00:10:45,901 --> 00:10:46,901 We can't. 193 00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:55,100 And ninety percent of this world's problems 194 00:10:55,181 --> 00:10:57,860 are caused by little words that come in pairs. 195 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,381 We're healthy and we're happy, 196 00:11:04,061 --> 00:11:05,581 and yet when anybody asks us, 197 00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:08,061 we say, "Not bad." 198 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,901 You know, when I saw you for the first time, dancing, 199 00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:15,261 this was about a month ago, by the way, in Pretso's... 200 00:11:16,581 --> 00:11:17,980 I was desperate to buy you a drink. 201 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:22,181 But you know what I said to myself? "I can't. 202 00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:25,501 She won't. We wouldn't." 203 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,941 And then you were there again tonight, 204 00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,460 and all the indications being that I'm getting a second chance 205 00:11:32,541 --> 00:11:33,941 to make a good impression. 206 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:35,781 So you say stop... 207 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:38,100 and I'll stop. 208 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,860 [both chuckle] 209 00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:52,181 [Steve moaning] 210 00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:54,541 [chuckles] Slower. 211 00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:57,381 [Steve chuckles] 212 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:08,100 [birds chirping] 213 00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:19,781 -[both moaning] -[utensils clanking] 214 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,941 -[thumping] -[moaning continues] 215 00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:34,381 -[Steve groans] -[Fiona moaning] 216 00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,821 Oh, nearly, nearly, nearly! 217 00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:38,661 [Fiona moans] 218 00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:42,340 -[knocking on door] -[Steve screaming] Oh! Oh! 219 00:12:42,421 --> 00:12:43,941 Shit! Shit! 220 00:12:44,381 --> 00:12:46,100 -[Steve groans] -[Fiona panting] 221 00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,381 [Fiona panting] 222 00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,141 [Steve panting] 223 00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:04,620 -Fiona in? -Yeah. Uh... 224 00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:06,740 yeah, she's upstairs. 225 00:13:09,661 --> 00:13:10,701 I'll just go get her. 226 00:13:14,941 --> 00:13:16,661 [pants] 227 00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:20,061 -Police. -I know. I'll sort it. 228 00:13:24,421 --> 00:13:25,860 Go away, you! 229 00:13:26,421 --> 00:13:27,701 -Shh. -[Debbie] Come on, Liam. 230 00:13:27,781 --> 00:13:29,541 -Back to bed. Come on. -[Liam] Okay. 231 00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:31,661 [Steve panting] 232 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,620 [Tony] I wouldn't put him anywhere near a carpet 233 00:13:39,701 --> 00:13:41,261 until his kecks dry off a bit. 234 00:13:44,021 --> 00:13:45,421 [Tony groans] 235 00:13:45,501 --> 00:13:47,581 -[Steve] What the fuck's that? -[Fiona] He's me dad. 236 00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:51,381 [Frank groaning] 237 00:13:54,421 --> 00:13:57,100 -Thanks, Tony. I appreciate it. -Cheers, Fiona. 238 00:13:57,181 --> 00:13:59,261 [pants] Night. 239 00:14:03,781 --> 00:14:04,941 [Fiona sighs] 240 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,620 -[car door shuts] -[engine revving] 241 00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:10,181 -Hey, do you want a hand? -[Fiona] No, you're all right. 242 00:14:12,901 --> 00:14:13,901 [door shuts] 243 00:14:23,581 --> 00:14:24,541 Do you, um... 244 00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:27,301 Do you leave him there all night? 245 00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:29,661 -He's never there when I get up. -Okay. 246 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,901 Who's the little 'un, Liam? 247 00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:37,301 Brother. 248 00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:40,141 [rustling] 249 00:14:59,421 --> 00:15:00,381 [door shuts] 250 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,100 [car engine starts] 251 00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:41,141 [car door shuts] 252 00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:44,460 [keys jingling] 253 00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:00,901 -[knocking on door] -[washing machine whirring] 254 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:11,740 [Steve] Hiya. 255 00:16:12,941 --> 00:16:14,500 Listen, um... [clears throat] 256 00:16:14,581 --> 00:16:16,581 I'm wondering how you're fixed for Friday. 257 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:19,061 -Party. -Great. 258 00:16:20,141 --> 00:16:22,860 -You wouldn't get invited. -What, is it a hen do, yeah? 259 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,541 It's just not that kind of party. 260 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:27,460 Look, Steve, you're not that desperate. 261 00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:30,141 Wanting to see you again is desperate? 262 00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:31,661 Feeling like you have to. 263 00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:34,980 You could get laid anywhere. 264 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:37,061 So I'm only here for a fuck? 265 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,181 Never crossed your mind? 266 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,340 [Steve chuckles] 267 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,220 This is all a bit Hans Christian Andersen. 268 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,701 You see, you think you've found your dream girl, 269 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,261 and then her incontinent alcoholic father drops in 270 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,380 -to wreck everything. -Don't take the piss out of me. 271 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,220 Yeah, well, don't pretend like you don't even know me. 272 00:16:56,301 --> 00:16:57,500 You weren't that drunk. 273 00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,181 Look, if the only reason 274 00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:04,180 last night happened was because it happened... 275 00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:08,221 don't knock it, all right? At least something did. 276 00:17:11,140 --> 00:17:12,501 -It did for me. -[door opens] 277 00:17:13,261 --> 00:17:15,860 -Hey, it's the smart arse. -Hey, it's the loser. 278 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,301 -[Steve] No school today? -Two teeth out this morning. 279 00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:20,140 [Steve] All right. Well, listen, if you're chewing, 280 00:17:20,221 --> 00:17:21,821 make sure you don't just do it on one side. 281 00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,981 If you do that, you can bugger your jaw and if that happens, 282 00:17:24,061 --> 00:17:25,301 that'll change the way you walk. 283 00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,261 -[chuckles] Is that a fact? -It's a skeletal fact. 284 00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:28,701 And if you keep talking out of your arse, 285 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,621 you're gonna end up needing a much bigger toothbrush. 286 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,501 -Anal fact. -Cheers. 287 00:17:34,301 --> 00:17:36,301 [Fiona] Lip. [mouths] Fuck off. 288 00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:40,900 [door opens, shuts] 289 00:17:40,981 --> 00:17:43,341 -[thumping] -[machine whirring] 290 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,301 [sighs] Look... 291 00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,061 thanks about the bag. 292 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,541 -And stuff. -[Steve chuckling] 293 00:17:57,341 --> 00:18:00,821 -Stuff? -I'm just not looking, Steve. 294 00:18:06,581 --> 00:18:07,741 [Ian] I'm not having this. 295 00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:11,541 [Lip] Look, just once, for me, then I swear, I'll shut up about everything. 296 00:18:13,061 --> 00:18:14,381 Swear though, Lip, then. 297 00:18:16,021 --> 00:18:17,861 [Lip] Just try it. You might like it. 298 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:25,501 Oh, she's thrilled with you. She got an A for her physics. 299 00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:28,301 Karen, it's your little helper! 300 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,221 I'll get you carrier bags. 301 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,141 [rustling] 302 00:18:42,141 --> 00:18:43,301 [Eddie] Right, I'm off. 303 00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:46,261 Oh, hiya, lads. 304 00:18:47,141 --> 00:18:48,141 Where's our Karen? 305 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,101 Went looking for a felt tip. 306 00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:55,940 [Lip laughing] 307 00:18:57,781 --> 00:18:59,461 -Guess. -[Eddie sighs] 308 00:19:00,221 --> 00:19:01,381 -Tuna. -Nope. 309 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,981 -Uh, corned beef. -Nope. 310 00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:05,900 Kiss and I'll tell. 311 00:19:08,221 --> 00:19:09,861 I'll find out what I've got when I eat 'em, won't I? 312 00:19:10,981 --> 00:19:14,021 Right, Karen, I'm late, so I'm off. See you in the morning, sweetheart. 313 00:19:31,781 --> 00:19:33,021 What are you hiding for? 314 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,261 What's she hiding for? 315 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,660 Oh, Jesus Christ, no. 316 00:19:48,301 --> 00:19:50,621 -No! -[Karen screaming] 317 00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:52,301 [Eddie] Hey! 318 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:54,861 What? 319 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,621 [Karen] He's gonna kill him! 320 00:19:59,301 --> 00:20:02,581 -He's gonna kill him! -[clattering, shattering] 321 00:20:02,821 --> 00:20:03,981 He's killed him. 322 00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:05,781 [Lip groaning] 323 00:20:10,301 --> 00:20:12,061 [groaning] 324 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,341 Come back here, you little animals! 325 00:20:17,861 --> 00:20:19,781 -[Veronica] Around two hours. -[Ian] Right. 326 00:20:19,861 --> 00:20:22,221 Top of the freezer. Two ice collars. 327 00:20:22,301 --> 00:20:23,981 -Don't drop 'em. They can split. -Right. 328 00:20:24,061 --> 00:20:25,781 Second cupboard above the sink, 329 00:20:25,861 --> 00:20:29,501 liquid ibuprofen, freeze spray and microthermal bandages. 330 00:20:29,581 --> 00:20:31,900 [Fiona] Shouldn't he get it X-rayed? Oh, grow up, Fiona. 331 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,700 He'll be there till midnight for what? 332 00:20:33,781 --> 00:20:35,501 Submetatarsal haematoma. 333 00:20:35,581 --> 00:20:37,741 Yeah, cheers, we knew that five hours back. 334 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,861 Fuck off. Microthermal bandages, 335 00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:42,861 sizes eight and ten. Could need either so bring both. 336 00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,781 -Right. -And front bedroom, 337 00:20:44,861 --> 00:20:46,180 -top of the video... -Yeah? 338 00:20:46,781 --> 00:20:47,821 Fags and lighter. 339 00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,021 -[groans] -[knocking on door] 340 00:20:53,101 --> 00:20:54,861 [Lip gasps] I'm not here! I'm not here. 341 00:20:54,940 --> 00:20:56,180 [Lip groans, screams] 342 00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:59,141 [Ian] Just say we're out or you've never heard of us, Fiona, please. 343 00:20:59,221 --> 00:21:00,621 What have you done? 344 00:21:09,021 --> 00:21:10,141 Get back up the stairs. 345 00:21:15,261 --> 00:21:17,700 [delivery man] Can I get through here or does it need bringing round the front? 346 00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:20,141 -Hey? -[delivery man] Washer-dryer. 347 00:21:20,221 --> 00:21:21,501 [scoffs] Not me. 348 00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:24,821 -Gallagher, number two? -[Fiona] Yeah. 349 00:21:25,341 --> 00:21:26,221 But it's not ours. 350 00:21:29,141 --> 00:21:31,021 [Kev moaning, grunting] 351 00:21:32,621 --> 00:21:33,700 [grumbling] 352 00:21:43,541 --> 00:21:45,420 Where the fuck are you going with them? 353 00:21:46,061 --> 00:21:47,301 Veronica wants them. 354 00:21:48,261 --> 00:21:49,741 Chuck us one over here. 355 00:22:07,541 --> 00:22:10,021 [alarm clock music blaring] 356 00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:15,141 [inhales] 357 00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:18,660 [imitates trumpet sound] 358 00:22:18,741 --> 00:22:20,741 -[clanking] -[indistinct chattering] 359 00:22:21,781 --> 00:22:22,741 All right. 360 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,541 -I thought you'd no money. -[Ian] We haven't. 361 00:22:30,981 --> 00:22:33,221 -[Liam] We haven't. -These were inside it. 362 00:22:37,381 --> 00:22:40,660 -[Veronica] "Steve." No! -Yeah. 363 00:22:41,261 --> 00:22:43,221 -Who's Steve? -[Fiona] Other night. 364 00:22:43,501 --> 00:22:46,021 -Never! -I know! 365 00:22:46,101 --> 00:22:47,261 [Veronica] You haven't got a vase? 366 00:22:47,341 --> 00:22:48,180 No. 367 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:50,021 Can I have the flowers for doing Lip's leg? 368 00:22:50,101 --> 00:22:50,940 No. 369 00:22:52,341 --> 00:22:54,741 [Kev] Veronica, just button it, will you? And just follow me, will you? 370 00:22:55,061 --> 00:22:56,581 [Veronica] I'm following you! Fucking hell. 371 00:22:56,660 --> 00:22:57,621 [Kev] Stop pulling it back. 372 00:22:57,700 --> 00:22:58,940 [Veronica] I'm not pulling it back! 373 00:22:59,021 --> 00:23:00,460 [Kev] I'm taking the strain on it, aren't I? 374 00:23:00,541 --> 00:23:01,660 -[Veronica] Oh. -[Carl] Lip! 375 00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:04,821 Watch how many I can do. Look. Look! 376 00:23:05,141 --> 00:23:07,781 Fifteen years, I've done everything in my power to-- 377 00:23:07,861 --> 00:23:09,541 What did I say? What did I tell you? 378 00:23:09,621 --> 00:23:12,021 Sow and thou shalt reap! 379 00:23:12,381 --> 00:23:14,141 Well, she didn't reap that from me, did she? 380 00:23:14,221 --> 00:23:17,301 Reap what? What are you reaping now? 381 00:23:18,581 --> 00:23:22,101 Eddie, what if I try? Really try? I-- 382 00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:24,180 Mum, don't beg him! 383 00:23:24,261 --> 00:23:26,700 If the bastard can do this, he's not worth it! 384 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:28,900 -[Eddie] Hey, you watch your mouth. -Get fucked! 385 00:23:28,981 --> 00:23:30,101 [door slams] 386 00:23:31,261 --> 00:23:32,861 Don't try blaming me for this! 387 00:23:33,821 --> 00:23:35,660 Your own worst enemies, you two, eh? 388 00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:38,821 They say bad things come in threes. They don't. 389 00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:40,141 Twos. You twos. 390 00:23:40,541 --> 00:23:42,381 Now let me in or I'll tear this door off! 391 00:23:43,541 --> 00:23:44,541 [Karen] Sod off! 392 00:23:48,541 --> 00:23:49,700 [phone ringing] 393 00:23:56,180 --> 00:23:58,621 [Fiona] How much have you paid for it? 394 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:01,061 Um... I'm not gonna tell you that. 395 00:24:01,141 --> 00:24:03,861 Because it was a present, so you'd remember my phone number, 396 00:24:03,940 --> 00:24:06,660 which... [chuckles] obviously worked. 397 00:24:07,381 --> 00:24:10,221 [Fiona] Thought you'd better know your washer-dryer's in the backyard. 398 00:24:10,301 --> 00:24:13,101 We don't want it, I don't need it. So you'd better pick it up before it rots. 399 00:24:13,341 --> 00:24:14,221 [Steve] Is it? 400 00:24:16,861 --> 00:24:18,581 -No. -What, did-- 401 00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:19,700 did the guy connect it? 402 00:24:20,381 --> 00:24:21,341 Yes. 403 00:24:22,821 --> 00:24:23,821 [Steve] So it's working? 404 00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:27,341 -Yes. -[mouths] Yes. 405 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:29,621 [sighs] So you've tried it. 406 00:24:40,940 --> 00:24:41,981 [Kash] Ta, love. 407 00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:44,141 -Smell your breath. -Fuck off. 408 00:24:45,261 --> 00:24:46,460 -[sniffs] -[machine beeping] 409 00:24:46,541 --> 00:24:47,981 -Pork scratchings. -No, it's not. 410 00:24:49,301 --> 00:24:50,180 They were mine. 411 00:24:51,660 --> 00:24:53,341 [Kash] See? And I wouldn't mind, 412 00:24:53,420 --> 00:24:55,781 but scratchings aren't scratchings. They've never seen no pork. 413 00:24:57,061 --> 00:24:59,101 Ian, I pay your wages. 414 00:24:59,501 --> 00:25:01,101 So if you catch him letting me down, 415 00:25:01,180 --> 00:25:03,221 then you'd better be straight on the mobile. Right? 416 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:04,460 Message received. 417 00:25:05,101 --> 00:25:07,781 And you, if you're not at that mosque by midnight, 418 00:25:07,861 --> 00:25:09,781 you are gonna be in deep shit with your dad. 419 00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:13,940 [Kash] See you later, light of my life. I mean it, Kash. We're all watching you. 420 00:25:14,541 --> 00:25:15,501 See you at home. 421 00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:18,541 [laughing] 422 00:25:18,621 --> 00:25:20,541 Can you earn your money while you're taking the piss? 423 00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:44,501 [sighs] 424 00:25:49,660 --> 00:25:52,741 [exhales] Now you know what I feel like. 425 00:25:55,341 --> 00:25:56,621 Quit whingeing. 426 00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,101 Drink more. 427 00:26:01,781 --> 00:26:03,660 [laughs] 428 00:26:13,781 --> 00:26:14,621 [Sheila whimpers] 429 00:26:16,861 --> 00:26:19,981 Mum, we've got to wear our shoes. There's bits of glass you can't see. 430 00:26:20,301 --> 00:26:22,261 [wood clanking] 431 00:26:26,581 --> 00:26:27,541 [Lip] Cheers. 432 00:26:28,021 --> 00:26:29,541 Maybe Lip could do with a drink. 433 00:26:30,940 --> 00:26:32,381 Sorry. Yes, sorry, Lip. 434 00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:34,821 It's been a bit of an off day today, hasn't it, Karen? 435 00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:37,700 So... vodka, some tonic. 436 00:26:38,940 --> 00:26:41,301 Plenty of rum, but we're out of blackcurrant, 437 00:26:41,381 --> 00:26:43,261 -and gin, definitely. -Just coffee, Mum. 438 00:26:43,341 --> 00:26:44,420 [Sheila] And a few lagers. 439 00:26:44,501 --> 00:26:46,381 Lager would be great, Sheila. Cheers. 440 00:26:51,420 --> 00:26:52,581 [door shuts] 441 00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:56,101 [Lip] What if your dad comes back and sees me? 442 00:26:56,581 --> 00:26:57,781 He won't. 443 00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,101 [hammering] 444 00:27:02,301 --> 00:27:03,381 That's my fault. 445 00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:05,741 He's been looking for an excuse for months. 446 00:27:07,861 --> 00:27:08,821 Thanks. 447 00:27:12,741 --> 00:27:16,021 So, um, what kind of impression did you get of Ian? 448 00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,581 He seems nice. 449 00:27:18,581 --> 00:27:19,420 Hard? 450 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:21,940 Couldn't tell. He didn't say much. 451 00:27:22,021 --> 00:27:23,220 No. [stammers] I mean... 452 00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:26,621 did he get a hard-on? 453 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:28,861 No. 454 00:27:33,501 --> 00:27:35,460 [indistinct chattering] 455 00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:56,261 [Ian and Kash] Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! 456 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:04,781 [Kash] Count the crisps again, Ian, and this time do it proper. 457 00:28:05,261 --> 00:28:08,341 And I'll do the peanuts, all right? [gasps] Jeez! Lip. 458 00:28:09,141 --> 00:28:11,420 Just, uh, cheers for the tools, Kash. 459 00:28:12,261 --> 00:28:14,301 [Kash] Any time, eh? So long as I get 'em back. 460 00:28:14,861 --> 00:28:16,981 So, uh, orange juice. Let's count what's in the fridge. 461 00:28:17,061 --> 00:28:17,900 Two bottles. 462 00:28:17,981 --> 00:28:19,741 [Lip] Jesus Christ. 463 00:28:20,541 --> 00:28:22,700 Tell me you are taking the piss. 464 00:28:27,061 --> 00:28:28,180 You're fucking him? 465 00:28:30,180 --> 00:28:31,261 Him? 466 00:28:35,821 --> 00:28:37,501 [Lip] Kash bought you the trainers, didn't he? 467 00:28:42,781 --> 00:28:43,821 [Lip sighs] 468 00:28:45,741 --> 00:28:48,341 He's married. With kids. 469 00:28:50,021 --> 00:28:53,220 -What else does he buy you? -Just stuff now and again. 470 00:28:53,781 --> 00:28:54,900 [breathes heavily] 471 00:28:57,141 --> 00:28:58,261 And you're happy with that? 472 00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:00,700 Eh? 473 00:29:03,781 --> 00:29:04,900 What does that make you? 474 00:29:06,381 --> 00:29:07,781 Fucking rent boy at best. 475 00:29:07,861 --> 00:29:09,741 [Ian] Now, listen to me, bollock brains. 476 00:29:10,021 --> 00:29:11,460 You crack on you know everything. 477 00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:13,220 And you know what, fucking newt? 478 00:29:13,301 --> 00:29:16,261 Ask me what I've bought him. Go on. Ask me. 479 00:29:16,341 --> 00:29:19,061 Two Man United shirts, home and away, 480 00:29:19,141 --> 00:29:21,861 limited edition Beckham shin pads for Christmas. 481 00:29:21,940 --> 00:29:25,420 So what does that make you, Lip, eh? What does that make you? 482 00:29:25,501 --> 00:29:29,261 Wrong, that's what, you smart-arse, short-arse fuck. 483 00:29:29,341 --> 00:29:31,940 So go round there now and promise Kash 484 00:29:32,021 --> 00:29:33,741 you'll keep your mouth shut. 485 00:29:33,821 --> 00:29:37,061 'Cause he's shitting himself and he's done nothing, understand? 486 00:29:37,141 --> 00:29:39,220 Absolutely fuck all to be sorry for. 487 00:29:41,301 --> 00:29:44,501 Fake Muslim cheats on white fundamentalist wife 488 00:29:44,581 --> 00:29:46,061 with gutless gay boy. 489 00:29:48,061 --> 00:29:49,501 Says more about United fans than it does 490 00:29:49,581 --> 00:29:50,741 about the rest of us. 491 00:29:55,141 --> 00:29:58,541 -[speaking indistinctly] -[Kash sobbing] 492 00:30:05,261 --> 00:30:06,180 [dog barking in distance] 493 00:30:32,180 --> 00:30:33,460 [snoring] 494 00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:42,460 [Fiona sighs] 495 00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:45,541 Just tell me you haven't got some girl pregnant. 496 00:30:45,621 --> 00:30:46,621 No danger. 497 00:30:47,621 --> 00:30:49,781 Not if that's how you end up being to your kids. 498 00:30:52,420 --> 00:30:53,501 [Frank snoring] 499 00:30:53,581 --> 00:30:54,821 Did he give you your dinner money? 500 00:30:55,861 --> 00:30:58,861 -No, I'll pay it myself. -No, you won't. 501 00:31:08,940 --> 00:31:11,821 -[coins clattering] -[Ian laughing] 502 00:31:15,341 --> 00:31:19,220 -[Fiona] Here. There you go. -[Ian laughing] 503 00:31:19,301 --> 00:31:22,061 You must be sick of having to think for everybody. 504 00:31:24,940 --> 00:31:27,621 At least I can, so it makes me feel wanted. 505 00:31:29,980 --> 00:31:32,501 If the best you're aiming for is wanting to be wanted... 506 00:31:33,980 --> 00:31:36,301 you've a job for life with that clown, Fiona. 507 00:31:39,741 --> 00:31:40,700 Night. 508 00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:55,541 [door shuts] 509 00:31:58,341 --> 00:31:59,861 [mobile phone ringing] 510 00:32:17,301 --> 00:32:18,900 -Hello. -If you're not bullshitting, 511 00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:19,980 what was I wearing? 512 00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,781 -[Steve] Wearing? Uh... -The first time you saw me. 513 00:32:26,460 --> 00:32:27,740 [Steve] You were wearing a pink top... 514 00:32:29,220 --> 00:32:30,621 and black trousers. 515 00:32:31,621 --> 00:32:33,420 Cropped black trousers. 516 00:32:33,781 --> 00:32:36,980 And, uh, and you had dangling earrings, 517 00:32:37,061 --> 00:32:39,940 just one earring. It was a long, thin dazzler. 518 00:32:40,700 --> 00:32:43,460 And you had your hair up in these little clips, 519 00:32:43,541 --> 00:32:46,021 and it was, like, rosy clip things. 520 00:32:46,821 --> 00:32:49,740 And you were dancing next to a red-haired girl in a green dress. 521 00:32:50,660 --> 00:32:51,660 Gemma. 522 00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:53,980 Who's a lot better looking than I am. 523 00:32:54,180 --> 00:32:55,141 [Steve] You reckon? 524 00:32:55,420 --> 00:32:56,861 So why weren't you looking at her? 525 00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:01,301 Because you think like that and Gemma doesn't. 526 00:33:02,261 --> 00:33:04,261 Because Gemma's dancing for an audience and you're dancing 527 00:33:04,341 --> 00:33:06,141 like there's nobody else in the room. 528 00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:12,261 Your life's not straightforward, Fiona, and a little bit of that travels with you 529 00:33:12,341 --> 00:33:13,781 but you don't stop it showing. 530 00:33:15,261 --> 00:33:17,660 You're not fake, you're not vain, 531 00:33:17,740 --> 00:33:19,980 you're not-- you're not lost so you don't need finding. 532 00:33:20,061 --> 00:33:22,261 You're not trapped so you don't need springing. 533 00:33:23,821 --> 00:33:26,381 I tell you, this whole town belongs to the fucking Gemmas 534 00:33:26,460 --> 00:33:28,781 of this world and I'm sick of the fucking sight of them. 535 00:33:30,581 --> 00:33:32,341 I swear to God, Fiona, you're just... 536 00:33:33,460 --> 00:33:34,940 you make me want to enjoy my life. 537 00:33:36,460 --> 00:33:38,301 I've lost mates because I talk too much. 538 00:33:39,061 --> 00:33:40,341 But every time I try the opposite, 539 00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:42,581 I get accused of sulking, which only makes it worse. 540 00:33:42,660 --> 00:33:45,261 So, are you still there? Hello? 541 00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:47,980 Hello? Hello? 542 00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:11,820 -[Steve] I knew you'd come. -[music playing] 543 00:34:11,901 --> 00:34:14,141 [Fiona] People like you are used to getting your own way. 544 00:34:14,621 --> 00:34:16,021 Who are people like me? 545 00:34:18,061 --> 00:34:20,381 All right, agree or disagree. 546 00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:23,461 [chuckles] He thinks the sun shines out his arse. 547 00:34:24,101 --> 00:34:25,021 [chuckles] Agree. 548 00:34:26,141 --> 00:34:29,061 -He's overgenerous and that bugs me. -Agree. 549 00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:32,421 Because I'm not used to being spoiled. 550 00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:34,340 Agree. 551 00:34:35,220 --> 00:34:37,300 Nevertheless, though, he-- he's overeducated 552 00:34:37,381 --> 00:34:39,581 and he's got more money than sense. 553 00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:42,260 -Your words, not mine. -But they fit. 554 00:34:43,220 --> 00:34:44,101 Agree. 555 00:34:44,901 --> 00:34:46,260 He's-- He's had an easy life. 556 00:34:46,860 --> 00:34:48,340 -Definitely. -And I prefer a bloke 557 00:34:48,421 --> 00:34:49,820 who's been around the block a few times. 558 00:34:49,901 --> 00:34:50,740 Maybe. 559 00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:53,421 But I can't help my upbringing. 560 00:34:53,501 --> 00:34:55,061 Well, I'm not apologising for mine. 561 00:34:55,141 --> 00:34:56,220 Was I asking you to? 562 00:34:58,181 --> 00:35:00,300 -[waitress] Finished? -No. 563 00:35:01,421 --> 00:35:02,621 No, we're working on it. 564 00:35:05,461 --> 00:35:06,421 Please. 565 00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:09,820 Do you want to wait outside while I take care of the bill? 566 00:35:09,901 --> 00:35:11,941 Uh, at least you can smoke there. 567 00:35:13,901 --> 00:35:14,941 Sure. 568 00:35:16,701 --> 00:35:17,820 Can I borrow your lighter? 569 00:35:26,061 --> 00:35:28,501 -Time to get your jacket, sir? -[Steve] Hmm. 570 00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:31,381 Yeah, it is. 571 00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:40,661 [classical music coming from car] 572 00:35:42,101 --> 00:35:43,661 [music stops, car door opens] 573 00:35:45,300 --> 00:35:47,061 -[car door shuts] -[Steve] Mr and Mrs Pace. 574 00:35:47,261 --> 00:35:51,021 You all right? How are you? Lovely to have you back again. 575 00:35:51,101 --> 00:35:52,421 -Enjoy your meal. -[Mr Pace] Thank you. 576 00:35:55,181 --> 00:35:57,300 -[car door shuts] -[engine revving] 577 00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,901 [phone ringing] 578 00:36:19,780 --> 00:36:20,860 Hello. 579 00:36:21,541 --> 00:36:24,381 [Steve] Uh, you seem a bit confused about me, about how I pay my way. 580 00:36:24,741 --> 00:36:26,381 Well... [sighs] you're the last person 581 00:36:26,461 --> 00:36:28,981 in the world I need to confuse right now, so here we go. 582 00:36:29,061 --> 00:36:32,820 I don't buy and sell cars, I just sell them. 583 00:36:33,741 --> 00:36:34,941 But they're not mine. 584 00:36:36,981 --> 00:36:37,941 Satisfied? 585 00:36:38,941 --> 00:36:40,261 [dance music coming from car] 586 00:36:40,340 --> 00:36:41,300 [Fiona] No. 587 00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:43,621 They're really nice. 588 00:36:44,421 --> 00:36:45,701 They're really old. 589 00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:47,501 -They'll be dead soon. -[tyres screeching] 590 00:36:47,581 --> 00:36:49,661 Look, he has beef, all right? 591 00:36:49,741 --> 00:36:51,701 Gets blind drunk and swears a lot. 592 00:36:51,780 --> 00:36:53,901 She can't even drive so he turns up pissed. 593 00:36:54,661 --> 00:36:56,741 They're insured to the hilt, so, I'll be doing everybody a favour 594 00:36:56,820 --> 00:36:58,261 by just taking them off the road. 595 00:36:59,461 --> 00:37:01,701 Come on. Do you fancy a laugh or not, Fiona? 596 00:37:04,541 --> 00:37:05,661 This car's mine. 597 00:37:07,820 --> 00:37:11,300 ♪ Nothing can stop us not now I love you ♪ 598 00:37:11,380 --> 00:37:14,860 ♪ They're not gonna get us They're not gonna get us ♪ 599 00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:18,461 ♪ They're not gonna get us! ♪ 600 00:37:22,061 --> 00:37:23,340 [keys jingling] 601 00:37:32,101 --> 00:37:33,141 [keys jingling] 602 00:37:36,181 --> 00:37:37,701 Sounds like they're all in bed. 603 00:37:42,021 --> 00:37:43,141 [Frank] Gotcha. 604 00:37:44,621 --> 00:37:45,701 [Fiona sighs] 605 00:37:46,141 --> 00:37:48,061 Who's been eating my porridge, then? 606 00:37:48,421 --> 00:37:49,581 [Fiona sighs] 607 00:37:50,581 --> 00:37:51,541 Hiya, Dad. 608 00:37:52,661 --> 00:37:54,421 -This is Steve. -We've met, 609 00:37:54,501 --> 00:37:56,780 -but you weren't exactly-- -How much do you weigh? 610 00:37:56,860 --> 00:37:59,621 -Wouldn't know. -That'd fit me. 611 00:37:59,981 --> 00:38:01,261 Ignore him. 612 00:38:02,141 --> 00:38:03,981 Shift! [mouths] Now. 613 00:38:08,741 --> 00:38:09,741 [Steve chuckles] 614 00:38:11,541 --> 00:38:14,621 Listen, I, uh, I better get off and let you get to bed, all right? 615 00:38:19,780 --> 00:38:20,860 [Steve chuckling] 616 00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:25,501 Thanks. 617 00:38:26,820 --> 00:38:27,860 That was really nice. 618 00:38:29,221 --> 00:38:30,181 You too. 619 00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:38,101 -Mm. -[keys jingling] 620 00:38:39,021 --> 00:38:41,101 -[Fiona sighs] -I want to know... 621 00:38:42,901 --> 00:38:44,820 who signed... 622 00:38:46,501 --> 00:38:47,581 for this? 623 00:38:50,421 --> 00:38:52,021 [keys jingling] 624 00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:57,941 [Steve chuckling] 625 00:38:59,941 --> 00:39:02,261 -What the fuck's he on? -Oh, I think he bought Es. 626 00:39:02,661 --> 00:39:05,780 The only dealer he gets credit from is a registered schizophrenic. 627 00:39:09,941 --> 00:39:12,101 Well, it's not a case of whether I agree, Steve. 628 00:39:12,181 --> 00:39:15,780 It's a fact. If I was a single parent-- 629 00:39:16,021 --> 00:39:19,421 -Aren't you a single parent? -"Yeah, but if I had tits." 630 00:39:19,501 --> 00:39:21,621 Yeah, but if I had tits, Steve... 631 00:39:21,701 --> 00:39:23,541 -[Steve laughing] -[Frank] ...they'd double the money. 632 00:39:23,621 --> 00:39:26,181 You know, with a bloke, they don't fucking know. 633 00:39:26,261 --> 00:39:28,741 No, no, I get it, Frank, I get it. It's prove you're looking for work. 634 00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:31,261 [stammers] And the rest, Steve. And the-- 635 00:39:31,340 --> 00:39:34,581 What was World War II all about if blokes like me are still getting shit? 636 00:39:34,661 --> 00:39:38,021 [Steve] Yeah. Not "How's a guy supposed to find work with kids this age?" 637 00:39:38,981 --> 00:39:41,820 -Correct. Hello! [chuckles] -[Steve chuckling] 638 00:39:41,901 --> 00:39:44,701 Oh! Good shout. Well done. 639 00:39:44,780 --> 00:39:47,661 'Cause her mum, God rest her soul... 640 00:39:47,741 --> 00:39:50,501 -Dad, don't start. -...'cause she'd better be dead, the cunt. 641 00:39:50,581 --> 00:39:51,941 -[chuckles] -Cut it out! 642 00:39:52,021 --> 00:39:54,741 A four-month-old baby, Steve. 643 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:57,541 16-year-old girl just had her appendix out, 644 00:39:57,621 --> 00:40:00,221 11-year-old Lip, ten-year-old Ian, 645 00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:02,501 seven-year-old, five-year-old. 646 00:40:02,581 --> 00:40:05,221 Oh, and an Escort van, calypso blue. 647 00:40:06,101 --> 00:40:08,101 -Right. -[Frank] What's the one thing 648 00:40:08,181 --> 00:40:10,501 we needed? One word, eh? 649 00:40:10,581 --> 00:40:12,661 -One thing. -Sterilisation. 650 00:40:12,741 --> 00:40:16,261 -[Fiona laughing] -Continuity. Continuity! 651 00:40:16,340 --> 00:40:19,820 You know, one Tuesday, right, we're out of bread, so I send her down the shops. 652 00:40:20,221 --> 00:40:21,621 She grabs the van keys. 653 00:40:23,981 --> 00:40:25,421 I haven't seen it since. 654 00:40:25,941 --> 00:40:28,981 And we haven't a fucking clue where she is, have we? 655 00:40:29,061 --> 00:40:30,860 Eh? We-- Oh, 656 00:40:30,941 --> 00:40:33,621 -I fucking love this. -[loud music playing] 657 00:40:33,981 --> 00:40:37,300 ♪ Let the sunshine in Kick you out ♪ 658 00:40:37,380 --> 00:40:40,061 [Frank] So what could I do, Steve? What could I do? 659 00:40:40,820 --> 00:40:42,581 Vanish for three weeks. 660 00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:45,101 -[Frank] I had a breakdown. -[Fiona] You moved in with Paddy 661 00:40:45,181 --> 00:40:47,820 -and went on a bender. -I had a nervous breakdown. 662 00:40:48,820 --> 00:40:49,820 Fair enough. 663 00:40:49,901 --> 00:40:51,981 -[knocking on door] -Dad. 664 00:40:52,741 --> 00:40:53,820 Keys. 665 00:40:54,261 --> 00:40:56,701 ♪ Gonna kick you out! Let the sunshine in ♪ 666 00:40:56,780 --> 00:41:00,261 ♪ Kick you out Let the sunshine in ♪ 667 00:41:00,340 --> 00:41:02,261 -♪ I'm gonna kick you out ♪ -[chuckles] 668 00:41:02,340 --> 00:41:05,581 ♪ Let the sunshine in Kick you out! ♪ 669 00:41:05,661 --> 00:41:07,421 ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪ 670 00:41:07,501 --> 00:41:11,021 ♪ I'm gonna kick you out Let the sunshine in ♪ 671 00:41:11,101 --> 00:41:12,141 ♪ Kick you out... ♪ 672 00:41:12,221 --> 00:41:14,421 -Do you know what time it is? -Yeah, sorry, Kev, it's Frank. 673 00:41:14,501 --> 00:41:16,300 -What have I told you? -Oi. Oi. 674 00:41:16,901 --> 00:41:20,860 [Frank] Eh! Here we go. Neighbours of Satan. 675 00:41:20,941 --> 00:41:23,981 The day you pay rent, like some of us, Frank... 676 00:41:24,061 --> 00:41:25,860 -[music stops] -...you can play whatever shit you want. 677 00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:26,780 [Frank chuckles] 678 00:41:26,860 --> 00:41:28,780 -[Kev] But till then... -[yawns] 679 00:41:29,221 --> 00:41:31,141 ...if you're pumpin' it at this time of night, 680 00:41:31,661 --> 00:41:33,941 -you play stuff that we like. -[Frank chuckles] 681 00:41:34,380 --> 00:41:36,021 -All right? -[loud music playing] 682 00:41:36,101 --> 00:41:37,541 -Do you get it, mate? -I get it. 683 00:41:37,621 --> 00:41:39,981 -Go on, get that down you. -[Frank laughs] 684 00:41:40,061 --> 00:41:42,581 [all speaking indistinctly] 685 00:41:42,661 --> 00:41:44,621 -[Kev] New Year's Eve. -[Fiona speaking indistinctly] 686 00:41:44,701 --> 00:41:47,701 -[Fiona speaking indistinctly] -[Veronica laughing] 687 00:41:47,780 --> 00:41:50,541 -[Kev cheering] -[all laughing] 688 00:41:50,621 --> 00:41:52,981 -[indistinct chatter continues] -[laughing continues] 689 00:41:56,261 --> 00:41:58,621 ♪ Don't you think That I'm bound to react now? ♪ 690 00:42:00,780 --> 00:42:04,021 ♪ Well, my fingers definitely Turning to black now ♪ 691 00:42:06,181 --> 00:42:08,981 ♪ Maybe I'll put my love On ice ♪ 692 00:42:09,061 --> 00:42:11,780 ♪ And teach myself Maybe that'll be nice ♪ 693 00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:16,061 -[music playing] -[indistinct chatter, laughing] 694 00:42:16,141 --> 00:42:17,380 [dog barking] 695 00:42:19,701 --> 00:42:21,300 He made me follow you up. 696 00:42:22,621 --> 00:42:23,581 [chuckles] I know. 697 00:42:24,860 --> 00:42:26,701 But he's right. You can't drive now. 698 00:42:30,061 --> 00:42:31,021 But... 699 00:42:34,421 --> 00:42:36,261 Liam is in here somewhere. 700 00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:40,261 Don't the kids wake up? 701 00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:44,380 -Would you? -[chuckles] 702 00:42:44,461 --> 00:42:46,581 [muffled music from downstairs] 703 00:42:50,981 --> 00:42:53,181 [Steve sighs] 704 00:42:56,021 --> 00:42:57,780 [Kev cheering] 705 00:43:01,860 --> 00:43:03,541 [alarm blaring] 706 00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:09,741 [birds chirping] 707 00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:11,701 [Debbie] Liam, come and have your breakfast. 708 00:43:11,780 --> 00:43:14,221 -[Liam mumbling] -You seen Ian? 709 00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:16,221 -He'd gone before I woke up. -[Lip sighs] 710 00:43:16,461 --> 00:43:17,941 His school uniform's not here neither. 711 00:43:30,820 --> 00:43:32,741 -Good morning. -Good morning. 712 00:43:36,141 --> 00:43:37,221 Give me this. 713 00:43:40,581 --> 00:43:42,741 [Fiona chuckles] 714 00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:46,621 Tell me if you're not a morning person. 715 00:43:48,261 --> 00:43:50,581 It's not something I've had much experience of. 716 00:43:53,421 --> 00:43:54,981 First time for everything. 717 00:44:25,780 --> 00:44:27,221 How can that be good for you? 718 00:44:30,780 --> 00:44:31,860 Or that. 719 00:44:31,941 --> 00:44:33,261 Do you know what's not funny? 720 00:44:34,181 --> 00:44:36,421 You. Ever. 721 00:44:47,860 --> 00:44:49,141 Anybody before Kash? 722 00:44:55,221 --> 00:44:57,101 -One. -Who? 723 00:44:57,181 --> 00:44:58,461 I'm not telling you. 724 00:44:59,701 --> 00:45:00,941 And actually... 725 00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:03,340 up the arse? 726 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:05,661 'Cause look, I'm not taking the piss. 727 00:45:06,261 --> 00:45:07,581 I've come through a toilet roll. 728 00:45:07,661 --> 00:45:09,541 And that's just one finger. Barely up the ring. 729 00:45:10,741 --> 00:45:12,661 Screamed the house down! [chuckles] 730 00:45:12,741 --> 00:45:15,061 Do you get used to that? Can you? 731 00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:20,061 The whole point of the digestive system's about one-way traffic. 732 00:45:24,421 --> 00:45:25,421 It just is. 733 00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:27,780 -[laughs] -What? 734 00:45:28,741 --> 00:45:31,621 -Wh-- What? -[laughs] You! 735 00:45:32,340 --> 00:45:33,340 [Lip laughs] 736 00:45:33,661 --> 00:45:36,421 -[imitates Lip] "It just is." -[laughs] 737 00:45:37,340 --> 00:45:39,621 Like we were only given lungs so we can fucking smoke. 738 00:45:39,701 --> 00:45:42,141 [both laugh] 739 00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:46,780 [utensils clanking] 740 00:45:47,981 --> 00:45:52,141 -[Lip humming] -[Liam laughing] 741 00:45:53,221 --> 00:45:54,701 [kids speaking indistinctly] 742 00:45:54,941 --> 00:45:56,541 Sit yourselves down. Who's for bacon? 743 00:45:56,621 --> 00:45:58,421 [Ian, funny voice] I won't say no to a bit of bacon! 744 00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:01,101 Yummy! 745 00:46:01,741 --> 00:46:02,581 What's all this? 746 00:46:02,661 --> 00:46:05,900 Well, uh, Debbie's the only person that gets up earlier than I do, 747 00:46:05,981 --> 00:46:08,541 so, uh, we shot off down to Apu's on the corner. 748 00:46:09,541 --> 00:46:12,581 I said I never eat breakfast and she said it's her favourite meal of the day 749 00:46:12,661 --> 00:46:14,900 -and since it's her birthday... -[Fiona gasping] 750 00:46:15,541 --> 00:46:16,780 No, it's not! 751 00:46:17,860 --> 00:46:20,061 I didn't say it was, I said I wished it was. 752 00:46:21,141 --> 00:46:23,101 -[Ian and Lip chuckling] -All right. You wished it was. 753 00:46:23,181 --> 00:46:25,061 Sorry, completely misheard that, Debs. 754 00:46:25,141 --> 00:46:27,621 Perforated eardrum on the right. M'lady. 755 00:46:28,141 --> 00:46:29,701 [Debbie] Anyone else want a drink? 756 00:46:29,780 --> 00:46:32,661 -Who's for bacon? -You got 15 minutes tops. 757 00:46:33,141 --> 00:46:36,141 Ian, Lip, your turn to wash up. Debbie, Carl, 758 00:46:36,221 --> 00:46:37,820 you need to put them bins out. 759 00:46:38,661 --> 00:46:41,380 [Frank] You know, somebody said, "Show me a child 760 00:46:41,461 --> 00:46:44,181 before he's seven, and I'll show you the man." 761 00:46:44,941 --> 00:46:47,820 Well, my problem with kids is they're only seven once. 762 00:46:48,021 --> 00:46:51,221 After that, it's a fucking nightmare. Massive! 763 00:46:51,741 --> 00:46:54,021 But one thing I'll say about my lot, though, 764 00:46:54,101 --> 00:46:56,421 you know, they've been raised to show respect. 765 00:46:56,860 --> 00:46:59,941 And I like that. It matters in our house. 766 00:47:00,461 --> 00:47:03,141 [indistinct chatter] 767 00:47:11,541 --> 00:47:13,661 Has anyone seen Dad since last night? 768 00:47:14,021 --> 00:47:16,300 [Frank] Six kids to keep on top of. 769 00:47:16,380 --> 00:47:17,221 [clicking tongue] 770 00:47:18,501 --> 00:47:20,021 [Tony] You can't file Frank as a missing person. 771 00:47:20,101 --> 00:47:21,461 He's always missing. 772 00:47:22,061 --> 00:47:23,541 Ooh, that is tight. 773 00:47:23,621 --> 00:47:24,900 -[moans] -[Veronica moaning] 774 00:47:25,061 --> 00:47:26,261 -Sorry. -[Kev and Veronica panting] 775 00:47:26,340 --> 00:47:27,741 Was me dad in the Jockey this afternoon? 776 00:47:27,820 --> 00:47:29,261 Yeah, Frank were there. Slaughtered. 777 00:47:29,340 --> 00:47:31,421 [Lip] How was he looking when you left him in the Jockey, Steve? 778 00:47:32,380 --> 00:47:34,340 [Kev] He can't be far. He's never far. 779 00:47:34,421 --> 00:47:38,661 [Veronica] Police? I've just found a body exactly fitting Frank's description. 780 00:47:38,741 --> 00:47:40,461 [Debbie screaming] 781 00:47:40,541 --> 00:47:42,340 [theme music playing] 782 00:48:18,340 --> 00:48:19,380 [Frank] You might be getting... 783 00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:23,541 but you've got a long way to go before you catch up with... 784 00:48:41,061 --> 00:48:42,300 For fuck's sake!